the script for an (extremely) short film

James' New Job

OR

A Short Film That Features a Bit of Thinly-Veiled Social Commentary On the State of the Newspaper Industry

INT. NEWSPAPER MANUFACTURING WAREHOUSE - MID-MORNING

We join our protagonist, a fresh-faced journalist named JAMES, on his first day of work as he is taking a tour of the factory where the newspaper he is now writing for is printed. JAMES is hurriedly following his new boss, MR. KLEINFELDER, around the factory. He is a very loud and boisterous man, the yin to JAMES' shy and reserved yang.

MR. KLEINFELDER 

(in the middle of  a tirade about the automated printing press the two are standing in front of)

...what I'm trying to say is, Ben Franklin would shit himself if he saw this beauty of a machine!

(he elbows JAMES in the side lightly, chuckling)

JAMES

(nervously laughing)

Yeah, I guess he would.

MR. KLEINFELDER

(walking briskly over to a different, much louder machine)

This one is the one that shreds up the newspapers that we don't sell. Lemme tell you, we have quite the back stock to go through. Most newspapers only use 40-70% recycled materials, but we've been at a 85% minimum since 1993! I like imagining someone reading the same paper twice, though the odds of that have got to be pretty high. But the universe is pretty mysterious like that!

(he elbows JAMES in the side again, trying to elicit a laugh)

JAMES

(visibly uncomfortable)

...yeah. I know, right?

MR. KLEINFELDER

(motioning to a pallet of bundled-up newspapers, all of which have never been opened)

Why don't you throw one of those bundles in? I'm sure the boys wouldn't mind. It's fun!

(he demonstrates this, heaving a large stack into the gaping maw of the machine, which makes a loud noise as it receives the thick bundle of paper)

JAMES

(walking over to the pallet)

Yeah, okay. Sure.

MR. KLEINFELDER

That's it! Just chuck one of those sumbitches into the shredder!

JAMES

(inspecting the top copy on one of the stacks sitting on the pallet)

...this newspaper is from 1947. Are you sure you want to destroy all of these? Some of them could be worth something, to the right collector. My grandpa used to collect old newspapers, the prices of a few are pretty ludicrous

MR. KLEINFELDER walks over and inspects the issue in question, before picking it up and throwing it into the shredder.

MR. KLEINFELDER

(slightly annoyed)

That's not how we make our money around here, boy. I'm in the newspaper business, not in the newspaper selling business!

JAMES

(clearly dumbfounded)

Oh...well, I'm sorry for mentioning it then.

MR. KLEINFELDER

(jovial once again)

It's quite alright, Jimmy! Anyways, let's go look at the ink-mixing machines, shall we?

JAMES and MR. KLEINFELDER walk off screen, the latter's voice trailing off as the screen fades to black.

END

Albums that I listened to while writing this:
Pet Sounds - The Beach Boys
Joyce Manor - Joyce Manor

Amount of drugs I was on while writing this:
One bowl of marijuana, smoked via pipe (strain: Yeti).